"Internet Talk Radio For Your Imagination!"
http://michaelmatthews.podomatic.com/entry/2013-05-16T20_10_51-07_00
http://media.blubrry.com/mikesdailypodcast/dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1881963/MIKEs%20DAILY%20PODCAST%205%2016%202013%208pm.mp3
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And now, the Mike's Daily Podcast Players present…Our Rendition of a Ted Talk…
Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for tonight's TURD TALK speaker, Linda Gabblegoffonandon…
(Applause)
Thank you. Thank you. I didn't realize I was going to get applause. I mean, it's not like I invented air.
(Laughter)
Oh, I guess I did. That's why I'm here tonight getting the chance to speak to you in tonight's Turd Talk.
Air, why do we need it? I asked that question at a young age and made my life an unrelenting pursuit of the answer. When I was 45 I invented air and it changed my life…and the world.
(Applause)
Thank you. People ask me, Linda, why air? Why not invent fire? Or wind? Or earth? And I tell them, I can't sing.
(Laughter)
That was a 70's group. They did my favorite song, "25 or 6 to 4"
(off mic) That was Chicago!
Sir, I don't go to your place of work and heckle you so please don't shout out city names during my Turd Talk.
(off mic) But that's the name of the band…Chicago…with Peter Cetera!
Security, can you please remove that man? Thank you!
(off mic) but that's the name of the band…I paid good money to see this Turd Talk.
And he's gone.
(Applause)
How a male got in this auditorium, I don't know. I thought we screened for that…
(Laughter)
So why air and what can we learn from it. Ask yourself, name 3 things in your life that you couldn't do without. Go ahead, think about it. I'll give you some time…
I bet, the first thing all of you thought of…was air.
(Applause)
Do you know why that is? Do you know why you all listed air, money, and underwear formerly owned by Leonardo DiCaprio? It's because we all must strive to make this a sustainable planet. We all must do whatever we can to stay green and end fraking. We all must stay at home and eat hemp hearts and ladies, we must all cut our hair short so we look like lesbians if we're not. Because we only go around this life once. Then we die and we're dead and we don't live. That's what we must learn from life. That's what we must learn from each other. And that's what I've learned from you. That I'm stinkin' rich because I invented air.
(Applause)
Thank you thank you thank you I gotta go my helicopter's landed on the roof to get me the hell out of here goodbye.
You have been listening to the Mike's Daily Podcast Players production of Our Rendition of a Ted Talk! Brought to you by Vapid Response Alarm System. For those of you who want a vapid response like "huh?"…"what?"…"I don't know."
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