HERE'S THE PRE-CHRISTMAS EFFIZODE 14 OF "THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!" PEACE ON
EARTH! GOODWILL AND SUCH.

Hello this is Mike Matthews hopping on the french fry oil powered bus that
takes me to THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH where this week on our half hour show
we'll find out why Hot Tamales might be fun to eat but lousy to work for,
why facebook is cashing in your privacy, and what the worst diets were for
2010.

That and we'll hear music from Gregaldur, Music For Your Plants, The
Re-Stoned, and Krestovsky.

I have been noticing a lot of men on TV and in public seem to be coloring
their hair. I have no hair, so I'm really not one to talk, but I think that
men that color their hair LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!! Even Reagan finally
let it go. You can get away with it from about 40 to 47 and THEN WE CAN
CALL YOU OUT!!! So just put the dye away. And the toupees and the hair
weaves (I'm talking to you Jeremy Piven!).

In this show we also cover what a bear it is to get all those gifts for
everybody! For one person I literally searched online for hours. It
doesn't seem that brick and mortar stores are going any where any time soon
since people in the end need to go into a physical place to get gift
inspiration (though they then probably go home and purchase it online).

Listen to my latest show by clicking here...

http://ping.fm/3NaxK

And you can subscribe to the last three shows on iTunes at
http://ping.fm/mfu7C

Enjoy your last days up to Christmas! And when you laugh, right now it's
okay to throw in a couple "ho ho ho's."

WHEN YOU GET A COFFEE WHILE OUT SHOPPING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON BEWARE OF
OVER-FOAMING!

Being male and not one to enjoy going out shopping, I discovered something
today I never knew. I did a nice husband favor and went to get my wife
something called a Peppermint, White Chocolate Latte. She told me before I
went out to retrieve this sinful, seasonal drink to say "NO FOAM!" while
ordering.

Off to the horrible corporate coffee chain I went! I even took my dog with
me! He enjoys this time of year when people scurry around wearing fuzzy red
caps with white balls at the ends. They look like little cats on people's
heads. Those hats give me an allergic reaction similar to being around
cats.

I went inside and found a huge line almost out the door. I have now gotten
to the point in my life that I've resigned myself that there are lines where
ever I go. Because of this I always bring a magazine or newspaper. Today,
however, I noticed how impatient everyone was. Both the ladies in front and
in back of me complained that "this place never has a line." That's not
what I've noticed having been there earlier this month and seeing almost the
same amount of people waiting.

When I finally got to the front I gave my order, remembering the foam part,
but I neglected to mention no foam with my drink. When I got my drink just
a few minutes later (I will say they're fast) I noticed that though my drink
was in a bigger cup than my wife's, my drink felt much lighter. My wife
explained that this corporate giant is skimping everywhere she goes.

To avoid long lines and drinks being over-foamed, maybe it's time as a
culture we really give up on the speed and convenience that this huge chain
brings. So many mom and pop's have gone out of business, the one's left
explicitly need our help. Plus, the independent coffee cafe I go to hardly
ever has a line! It's also worth remembering just cleaning out your
coffeemaker once in a while will give you a similar coffee taste to those of
the big chains.

I used to like to go to coffeehouses, even the one's run by big
corporations, because it was fun to relax in a big comfy chair and just read
a little. Now, since the big chains seem to be filled with stressed-out
patrons, it's nicer just to avoid them altogether. Of course, caffeine is
what those stressed-out people are demanding thus continuing the circle. I
go decaf. I know that makes me odd.

My dog will just have to watch people with cats on their heads somewhere
else.

NO FOOLIN'! HERE'S THE "UNLUCKY" SHOW...EFFIZODE NUMBER 13 OF "THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!!!"

Hello, my name is Mike Matthews. That bus you hear in the background is my
bulky vehicle choice to get me to this week's half hour effizode of THE LAST
PLACE ON EARTH. We'll find out what strange physical ailment a lot of women
are getting nowadays, we'll find out what horrible poverty has hit your
favorite vacation destination, and we'll tell you what color you should NOT
pick for your car if you do not desire to be a lemming.

All that plus music from Hobo, The Rope River Blues Band, Plumtree, and
Zombie Prom Queen.

This week has been interesting for which you will hear on the show. This is
the 13th effizode of this show. The last show I did got up to sixteen and
only ended because my wife and I moved from Huntsville, Alabama, to Castro
Valley, California. Yes, we literally went from one end of the political
spectrum to the other. You could see the states getting bluer the closer we
got to our new home!

My last show was called "The Messy Desk" which you can still catch some of
the effizodes on http://ping.fm/EBKjm Interesting thing
about podomatic...as soon as you sign up for a free account every dj in the
world tries to get you to "friend" them. There was every DJ, MC, and
mixologist from every dance club sending "friend requests." I left
podomatic and went to podbean to start anew without the crazy fans.
Oh...fans.

So as we rapidly approach Christmas and New Years look back on your year and
survey what you liked and what you'd like to change. Think about what went
incredibly right and what you can do to duplicate it. Don't bother thinking
about what you did wrong, you've probably already spent too much time doing
that.

Oh, quick shout out to my friends Terri and Steve that drove my wife and I
into the city (San Francisco) to check out a monthly 80's dance club. Wow,
dancing to 80's music is so uplifting. My wife is younger and doesn't
remember the 80's so much but she loves dancing to that music. She almost
thinks of it as a more "innocent" way of dancing. We weren't quite grinding
yet in the 80's.

This week's show is a hoot and you can listen to it here...

http://ping.fm/0aLfU

And you can download the latest show off iTunes. If you're subscribing to
where you could download shows 5 through 10 go to this new site and
subscribe here...

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-last-place-on-earth/id405892551

I had to start 11 and the teens in this new itunes location. Thanks for
dealing with the inconvenience. You are too kind.

And good luck with the rest of the shopping you've got on your list. If you
don't have a list, YAYYY! You are already ahead of the rest of us!

CASUAL "SURVIVOR" VIEWER CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAW LAST NIGHT!

So Jeff Probst is the dimpled host of "Survivor" and he's been hosting and
making a ton of money (almost rivaling Ryan Seacrest's recent boon of 60
million from Clear Channel) since 2000. I am only a recent visitor to the
show. My wife and I enjoy watching it with her awesome Aunt Susie and Uncle
Tom.

Well last night Jeff looked like someone had insulted him in the highest
order. Someone insulted his show. Two of the younger female contestants
(this season billed as old versus young) announced early in the show they
were quitting. After one challenge (usually the show has two) the girls
told Jeff in person who then proceeded to barrage them with a series of
"you're quitters" comments concluding with telling them they had the day to
think about their decisions but their final announcement would have to be
tonight during tribal council.

The whole point of the tribal council is to have a big court hearing where
Jeff stirs the pot and gets the contestants to accuse and defend each other
so that they then can vote and decide which one needs to leave. This
council, however, was Jeff continuing his tirade against the two contestants
and getting the other players to yell at them as well. You either felt
completely sorry for the two or were equally angry at them for quitting.

The whole structure of last night's show made me think that Jeff might be
tired of own show. It's paying him well, but now he's seeing the players
aren't the same type of driven people he's seen in the past. He said as
much during his barrage of scorn. Also, the show last night featured a
shameless, SHAMELESS plug for the new Jack Black movie. Not only did they
STOP THE SHOW to show a commercial for it, but the players were then asked
to talk about how great it was. Jeff asked them what they thought and the
contestants elicited such praise that Siskel and Ebert would never endorse.
It would have been great if after Jeff asked how the movie was the people
said, "It was okay. Looked a little contrived."

Reality shows are now almost completely infomericals. Last night was
definitely a testimony to that from one of tv's biggest shows.

Are any of you going to stand for that? Or is time to quit "Survivor" and
all these staged reality programs?

THIS IS "THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH" EFFIZODE 12!!!

This is Mike Matthews getting on the bus and heading to this week's THE LAST
PLACE ON EARTH where we find out where you need to move to, like,
yesterday. Plus we find out the number one way this time of year to save
money. And we talk about the magic that is James Franco.

Plus we hear new music from Fuji Kureta, Pierlo, Nobody's Bizness, and Atlas
Sound!

The leftovers are almost gone so enjoy this new half hour show from THE LAST
PLACE ON EARTH! It's SHOW NUMBER 12!!!

So it's that time of the year when we either don't look in the mirror or we
decide to take the bull by the horns and try to take away the fat. This can
be done by watching what we eat, exercising, or just completely avoiding
eggnog.

Oh you, eggnog! Putting on pounds just from the most simple sip. The most
simple pouring of you in my coffee. Even your "lite" version is a hazard!
Dang you, eggnog!

This is the time of year that really puts some people in a pickle. All the
stress of getting everyone presents. All the stress of planning massive
family gatherings. We are forced to do this, forced to do that.

I'm noticing a lot of people getting off that merry go round. The really
clever ones get themselves invited to other people's gatherings. I don't
know how they do that. Maybe they just hang around long enough till some
one goes, "Hey, what are you doing this Christmas? Want to come over?"

Remember, the answer to this is ALWAYS, "Sure! What can I bring?"

Get the stress out of the holiday season! Realize that one of the reasons
this is a special time of year is because you see people that you probably
won't see the rest of the year and you're going to miss them (that is, the
one's you actually like). Avoid traffic times as best you can, shop
intelligently, don't buy just whatever the TV's telling you to buy, and PUT
DOWN THE EGGNOG. Yes, even if it has brandy in it.

Oh, and put on a Santa hat at least once. This is MANDATORY! Putting one
of those goofy creations on always gets you in the mood.

Or the brim causes you to sneeze endlessly. Either way, it's a hoot!

Oh, one more thing about this past Thanksgiving. Did you happen to see that
Taylor Swift special? Every year the country music flavor of the month gets
their own show which is watched by all those people stuffed with turkey who
can't move from the couch and who can't find any more football to watch. I
remember Shania Twain one year. This year was Taylor. She's got the big
lips, squinty eyes, blonde hair thing going. The one thing I enjoyed about
the show was that they had a bunch of young people talk about how they
appreciated Taylor's lyrics. Not her singing, not her stage performance,
but the words she actually wrote down. I love that kids are into that
artistic side of popular music these days. It gives me hope. Also a bit of
a rash.

With that incite, shouldn't I have hosted my own morning show? You know, I
had the opportunity in Alabama, but I went with the 3pm to 7pm shift. In
hindsight, I would have had less of a chance of getting canned had I been on
in the morning AND been there all day running the station. Instead we
brought in some L.A. ego to do mornings who demanded way too much money and
who didn't even last 6 months (and who hardly worked, had his underpaid
assistant do everything)!

Listen to the latest "effizode" of THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH by clicking
here...

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1881963/THE%20LAST%20PLACE%20ON%20EARTH%20show%2011.mp3

And of course you can also subscribe on iTunes.  I've got 15 subscribers now!  Yippeee!  The link is http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-last-place-on-earth-podcast/id396038020

Thank you and check back here for more blog but no nog!

SHOW NUMBER 11 OF "THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!"

Hello, this is Mike Matthews, about to board the bus to go to the Last Place
on Earth.

This week, we find out what women are learning to do that before only men
could do. We hear about what Millennials are doing to get revenge on the
The New York Times Magazine. And we tell you what you need to know about
the second to the last Harry Potter movie before you spend your hard-earned
money on it.

Plus we hear music from Gepel, Hannah Georgas, Kriss, and Jake Blanton.

Ride with me to the perfect half-hour show to listen to right at this exact
moment...THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!

I'm watching two boxers...no I'm not watching some fight on ESPN, I'm
watching my boxer, Basil, and my brother-in-law's boxer, Layla. She's what
they call a "fawn" color. She "fawns" all over Basil. As I write this,
however, they are both sleeping away. My typing only mildly awakens them.

So I don't get why I'm my birthday is Monday. It seems like yesterday I was
dreading going into my 40's. Now I'll be 2 years into it. I guess age
means nothing and you're only as old as you feel. I feel pretty good so
that's a great birthday present there.

I am a little worried about the airports though. I'll be the first to say
we need to take every precaution to keep the terrorists off our airlines,
but this radiation situation with the "back spatter" machines

WE NOW ARE IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS! "THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH" PODCAST
"EFFIZODE" NUMBER 10!

Scientists for years have run the figures on what happens if you keep
pumping carbon monoxide into the atmosphere. They take into account ALL the
green house gasses in the world, not just from the United States. Other
countries are belching up poisons ten times worse than us. Logically,
doesn't it seem with all this cee oh one being produced by the human
race (and our planet isn't getting any bigger and those gasses have no way
of escaping out to the stars) we might be on a road to destruction?

Oh, but we can't worry about that now, because our economy's in the
crapper! Got to take care of that first. Got to keep drilling. Got
to keep pumping that gas into my SUV. Got to keep laughing at alternative
forms of energy because, ooooo, that's just hippy hooey!

Seriously, the only reason why Republican and conservative talk show hosts
and politicians rail against "climate change" is because it messes with
people's money. It's like taxes. You're taking money out of my pocket to
solve this problem. You're interfering with my way of life...and that just
unAmerican! You would think that the potential to MAKE MONEY would appeal
to those who strongly identify with this party, and there is so much money
to be made in new ways of producing energy.

Out of the 100 new Republican politicians heading to congress, only half
believe climate change is real. How did we become the greatest nation on
earth with politicians not believing what our scientists are saying? You
may have heard that scientists have had enough. They are FINALLY going to
move together en masse to speak out about the defiant ignorance of so many
Americans today. We really should listen, and tell those friends and family
members who continue to live in the clouds to open their eyes and ears.
Yes, we want to be a competitive nation. No, we don't want to put chains on
the companies that got us to the top, but we can't deny the scientists that
put us there either. So get ready for a congress with politicians carrying
torches chasing after those who say the "world is round." More importantly,
get ready for the scientists to fight back!

On a different note, Castro Valley, where I call home, is having an
interesting debate over a sign that was banished in 1997 by a group of over
800 people who didn't like the way it looked. The sign cost the city
100,000 dollars and is sitting in storage. Why not use the sign? Who cares
what 800 people thought over 10 years ago? Tastes change. The town paid
for it. It should be used. And of the 800 people still around, they don't
have to see it because we'll put it on one of the less traveled streets.
This works out because there's a canoe in the sign (in reference to a local
Native American tribe) and one of the less traveled streets is right next to
our main lake. Personally, I don't see what the problem is. Then again,
I've only lived here a year.

So these two issues, one about affecting the environment with gas and the
other with ugly art, are what we talk about in this week's podcast. Okay,
no, not really. In fact, I think we maybe talk about both for a half a
second each. But the podcast is still worth listening to. Funny stuff and
cool music. Really! Just pop that sucker in your ipod or mp3 player or
just click below this sentence to hear it now!

http://ping.fm/8J887

Oh, and here are the lyrics to the song you're about to hear...
So it looks like that Glenn Beck
Is anti-semitic
ON THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
It's one white protestant box
of white men over at FOX
ON THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
and thanks to do them Tea Partiers got in office
that means people who think Obama is a novice
are in power though most of them are rookies
it's almost enough to make you lose your cookies
When you're with the Flinstones
They're a modern stone-age family
The party thinks like ancient cave men
Has the rest of praying AMEN...

To subscribe to the podcast on iTunes go to
http://ping.fm/8uSyl